A Disciple's Thread

[NoNun2]

The rest 2/4
I made it to London, as a sec I maxed out
And you shaking no to me mental I wanted your mom to know in spirit you still living and brought this about
Psychs and jails are this close SHOUT
Cause criminal mental held my key
But being crazy doesn’t define who I be
And it’s not all to do with what happened back then
Thank you for being my angel for every fact when
I wish I had a suv to drop this on your grave tonight
But the snow marks 3 days before you took your first flight

The rest 2/4

[NoNun2]

This one longer than uncle Murdas wrap up

First draft - here we go

(Over Hail Mary beat)



30 years my senior and I look back on life
“Shit… Life
Will it take me under”
Yeah… that’s right
Sit down and take it or stand up and fight
I hold you sacred but not only cause you were gone to young
It’s when I started to be tested and caught my religious tongue
It was…
Snake, rat, gun
And Hollins… it hasn’t been fun
Just “where we come from we don’t run”

So anyways I ran…


(Over seen it all beat)



Yeah it’s true
Getting hit from all angles that this alleged game do
But between me and you
I don’t know
Was just barley catching a one to grow on to grow…
One to grow on… you know?
So it’s down to friend or foe
Down to the exact second
1435 and my 3 shadow
But “Whoa”
It feel like I’m being beckoned
But nah I’m this bitches entertainment that my GMA reckoned
Humiliating me was her favorite show
While the Feds just watching too but not knowing how its really supposed to go
In prison? I was Yellow…
14 hours but you already know
I assume you lived your entire life like the one I’m describing and still trying to get to know
And I’m a be just fine
Little man was just being a dick
And every last one of them left just fell out of line
And It makes me so effing sick


(Over runaway beat)



Hollins I felt you lift
But it was when everyone got out the car
So for a second being crazy and bleeding black - believing vampire wasn’t a fetch too far
So I felt the guilt a bit, then with the mental it seemed a punishment for a crime i didn’t even commit
But thank god I was on a New York dime
Thank god for my talent to rhyme

I made it to London, as a sec I maxed out
And you shaking no to me mental I wanted your mom to know in spirit you still living and brought this about
Psychs and jails are this close SHOUT
Cause criminal mental held my key
But being crazy doesn’t define who I be
And it’s not all to do with what happened back then
So thank you for being my angel for every fact when
I wish I had a suv to drop this on your grave tonight
But the snow marks 3 days before you took your first flight

So I tatted 2/4


(Over freedom beat)



Death not insanity… and anything else it takes to be free
Free my peoples free us be
We free right there and I’m giving them the key
Hail Mary… and the reason I fight
But Mary please. Please don’t forget to pray for the victims at night
And me?
I dont wanna take it and be their trash can or closet anymore!
Me? I just want to be free
Free is what it takes and I can’t take it no more
We here - the next generation
Pac finally told me what he’d do with his last breath
And mines still right there whispering get back up with no hesitation
To teach and reach a nation
That’s why I breach their equation

Anyways - He’s finally out now…
My GMA passed the day she met him cause I think she knew I’d be safe now and she can let go… she was buried on her 100th birthday and finally back with my gpa. And thanks to you I know death is not the end and she watching over us too
I never would’ve never believed that if I didn’t see and believe in you


(Over angel beat)



Forgive me, I don’t know your daughters name but I pray for her almost every day
I guess in a way you had something to do with me remembering mines
And all those moments I thought were just lies that kept the lies in their lines
Psych at 13…
I was 14 when I had my daughter… a week before my 14th birthday
Judged for all that I didn’t even remember and didn’t know was all about me
Now they can’t stop me
I don’t want to change with the winds
I don’t wanna circle 4
I don’t want the loops or the bends
And certainly not the kids of some crack head whore
So I asked my father when I lost him… what’s the war for?

He didn’t know either… but he knew something


(Over say goodbye to yesterday)



I’m not trying to disrespect anybody but somebody think they can tell me and my body what it do
And when it all became too much I’ll be sure as usual to come and tell you
Bitch slept with every last bf I ever even had
And I’m not even the one mad
Get her off me I just want to be free
I ain’t with that sorcery…
I asked about your family and wanted to know you as much
She said it wasn’t a good idea so it always bothered me and such
Any ways so I let it be…
Knowing in my heart you’ve always been the eyes in back of me
30 years my senior looking back on the first time the world stood still
I just hope you proud of me now and always will

Insanity! Sometimes it gets so hard I wish it was me…
I don’t know why it was you and I can only think of that god needed you too

We all miss you

Sincerely me, C
and JUST LIKE shutter island I realized it was me 😂

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Today actually marks the fist time the world stood still… he died at 12:24am I think

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In surgery

[NoNun2]

Dang I lost the song and can’t find it

[NoNun2]

What goes up must go down I suppose… my bf been talking to ma any which way these past 3-4 days and he won’t tell me what’s wrong

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Everytime he does that it pushes me away but I feel like he’d upgrade me easy especially if we hit and our story makes some money

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I just want to know who I was always whispering too half my life

[NoNun2]

I want to put what I’ve been thru and seen in my head on film

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I want to maintain that maybe important people who can help me right are looking and try to use that to compose myself and act right

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It makes me mad that it didn’t have to be so hard and complicated but I’m in a prison based on lies and cowards afraid to stand to their own Karma

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I pray almost every day that my old friend / room mate just go away… it’s gross I feel her in my flesh and hear her voice and I don’t look down on anybody more

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When she put herself on the pedestal and starting shooting down at EVERYONE else I started to see some of what she really is

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I hope tonight Chris makes her go away

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FOREVER!!! God can tell me what she did I don’t wanna hear see or speak to or about her ever again

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We almost got in a car accident with a truck tonight - he came in to my lane which made me push almost to the wall… I jerked the wheel so quick I thought we was about to spin

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She out throwing already

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I know because when I tried to send back the perverted shit car accidents were everywhere and someone stole the wax from the candle… it wasn’t even directed to her to send back… I was trying to get the sick shit off me too as well as the sleepwalk

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I know in my heart she lied to the law and I just wanna know when am I free? When is my sentence over? I feel convicted and ain’t even do shit

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Chris… I’m praying for snake, rat, gun

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I’ve been in complete poverty since 2014… why do they take every dime or chance at a dime away from me?

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I could’ve got better and now it’s too late… like it’s too late of having my life long dream of being a mom

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You have all this money to keep me trapped though

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Just like that Church in Waterbury who spent all that money to change their steeples while our community is poor

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Like a slap in the face

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It feels like they won’t accept the word no and get off my body

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Clicking this or that to annoy me like it’s magical but really it’s the tardive dyskinesia

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It’s all good I don’t like anybody either

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I appreciate if the artists do know who we are and help and hang their fans write back on their wall

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Money again really would solve all of my problems

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My family deserve the truth… I deserve the truth

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Having my own money again*

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Them bitches can go sell their soul but they can’t sell mine - when do I get my god and my body back?

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Why does this bitch have an obsession about keeping me from working or writing?

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What does this even have to do with her?

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That’s what I’m still going thru Chris

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Afraid to even say I’ve been sleeping better or they’ll start up again

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My dreams are all opposite and fucked up thoigh

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It’s twisted and I don’t like twisted

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My aunt came down idk how much before and I had a self defense class a few weeks prior… who the hell would do that to me and put me thru that on purpose

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Especially in pretense of a hair show… i rather die then live my body or soul with her with them and nah im not the Lesbian either

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Hollins please check in tonight and fix it… fix me

[NoNun2]

Listen… I’m getting real tired of them. In Fourth of July 1997 a car of guys pulled us over when my old friend was driving… Kevin was at her window and said oh oh oh then came to mine to kick it - I always held that card to find out why… he’s not my friend he never was my bf either I hardly knew him and didn’t realize he was scheming… LEAVE ME ALONE

[NoNun2]

Lmfao!!! I love Eminem… so bad my favorite

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I never got into pills though

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He was at the wrong window… they set me up with him on purpose

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All I’ve done is weed, liquor, and coke… and E years and years and years ago

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I’m not a drug addict

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Tried hash once… and smoked wet by accident once

[NoNun2]

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I love all his temixes

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2003 - cause I was back in like 3-5 months

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Yeah… no clue how or why I know the lyrics to dirty nursery rhymes - and they dubbed out the Chicago bull emblem

[NoNun2]

Dear Pac
Pac why nobody writing to you?
Next to me yelling or chasing me out of the room
He got busted that night and I learned to stay away
So who is that voice interrupting me when I pray
E 125th telling me Im a be alright
So why tonight am I still losing the fight
Im not even sure if I can trust you anymore
I heard the rumors, they saying I'm some coke whore
How he don't even care, it really wasn't a bluff - was it?
I guess being unprepared mostly does it
I burned out 3 stars wishing so hard and it feel like god don't even care
When I went on to check and he wasn't even there
I couldn't do anything but stare
You told me he didn't care
I didn't wanna wake up even though it was curry
I heard, heard I died, said ok and rushed in a hurry
I didn't survive them shots
Cause after shit just got worse
And I'm so sick of living the side of the cursed
How they can make me feel so sick this easy
Tapping and tracing and posing I rather be back where the Ds be
I ain't scared of jail no more...
The pain, the physical pain I get practically every night
Back then I'd shake it off and said I don't care I was with god when they'd make fun of my plight


Even my God left me, I can't understand anymore
Yeah Pac, I was talking mad shit to satan banging down his door
What we even here for?
The hissing and tizzing the letting go of my wheel screaming
Popping all this shit cause they heard I was a demon
Then how that be my peace and comfort be gone
I been said I'm not going to make it but I ain't even do no wrong
I don't deserve that trick to lay in peace with one that hates me
Or forced to live this sick shit while strangers debate how I see
They have me in so deep I have no clue who to trust
They trade my peace and comfort for pain and add addiction their must
Talking about a good fella that catch a raw deal
What the fuck am I even still here for, really my real


I know God is listening I burned out 3 stars wishing so hard
But I never get what I ask for ever since I shot down in that yard
Not that I ever really did before, on our side we don't get what we need
Only what is going to hurt more
And I don't even know how I'm a sleep now
Like always just when things get better, we just on the reverse - how?
Right now I could give a fuck about this earth
And I'm tired of them degrading my self worth
They swear its so easy and I'm so quick to forgive
How much longer God do I have to live

I'll never get over them raping me
I can care less about them taping me
I guess it's for the weak cause I just can't get past it
Then to add the extra right after I blasted it
I ain't ever get a friend, or anyone to understand me
And I'm starting to realize its cause my birth dads family
Well he's dead, and pac you are too
I don't care if I have to do it by myself, conviction on this genocide past due

So tell them keep laughing and proving all that you can do
I don't feel so stupid, virgin is sacred in our blood - so what? Es tu and fuck you then too
Maybe the pattern was just repeating the first
I never had to care less over more but nah I ain't them tricks quenching their thirst
I'm so confused I thought at first finally it all made sense
But he never came back for me and I been fucked up ever

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Life was like a movie and you don’t realize that it’s happening to you or what you truly been thru… dealt with… conquered

[NoNun2]

That was written in 2019